shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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