Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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