Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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