wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
