I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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