I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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