I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
