Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
