So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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