she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
