Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
