dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
