So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I would ride that face into the sunset
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
