remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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