OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
