headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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