i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
