Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
