You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
