I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize