I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
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I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
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And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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