Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
