I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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