O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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