and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
