hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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