bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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