Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
