It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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