Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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