i barfeds in our rink
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
