Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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