Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
