He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
