and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just gift wrapped bread.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
