The maid of honor just puked.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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