i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
