I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
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I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
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I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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