Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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