They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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