ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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