I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
