he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
