Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
