Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
