she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
