Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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