she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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