Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
