I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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