apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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