there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
