level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
