I'm lost and stupid without you.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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