The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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