Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
