Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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