I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.