no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.