i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart