Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
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You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
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I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.