therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
