I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
