Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
