i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
