So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
