There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
