as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
