Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
