every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
