ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
