dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
