dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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