I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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