does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
